And You Want Me Back?

Last night I happened to get a text saying....
"I don't know why I am doing this but...What up?"
The number was not one in my phone so of course I asked who it was the reply was...
"Wolfie."
That was the name I had called my ex when I was dating him. I didn't know exactly how to reply because after crying for a month I didn't really know what to say to him. What can you say to someone who had called you many mean names that aren't appropriate for the interweb. So we ended up talking for a bit and I kept agreeing to his claims of him saying a jerk.
"I'm such a jerk."
"I know you are."
And all this other nonsence and finally since I'm nice and like giving people second chances I let him back into my life as my boy friend again.
Now we are scheduled to have a date, that my mom won't let me have unless other people are going, on friday. Since my mom hates my boyfriend she won't even let me go to his place ever again, but I guess thats fine... Maybe when I'm older.

I Shall Still Try

If I could live anywhere: idc as long as im with Melanie

Went online and look what I see
A line with my name oh lucky me
I read it once then read it again
Is this real or is this pretend
My ex's name above the page
Still afriad its just a phase
Though I think its a mistake
And my heart did already break
But he's the one who left me stranded
Now I'm sitting empty handed
Through all this mess I still shall rhyme
Cause though I'm sad I still shall try

Lemonade

When life gives you lemons you spray that sour attitude in peoples faces. Why? Because people deserve it. There are always things that you don't want to live with in life and you still must go through with them. For me that time is going home... to my place of torture.
Why should I go home to a place where I am not loved, trusted, even looked at? Why should I waste my time on people who don't care a thing about me?
I sit in agony wishing that it was over sometimes... and then I think... how would those people who I have spent my whole life loving... how would they feel if I just didn't show up at school one day...and that small knife falls to the floor with tears. If I ever left those few people who I do love, and who love me back... wouldn't it just be ruining their life... more than it destroys yours.

Home Time

So I was out to dinner with my family today..."zoning out." Well I was actually listening to this little almost 5 year-old hispanic girl sitting with two caucasion adults.
"Can I have home time on Monday?" said the hispanic girl.
"No honey. You only have two home days this week." said the caucasian woman.
"No I have three." said the girl.
"No. Just Saturday and Sunday."
"No. Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday." said the girl
It makes you wonder how confusing that girl's life must be. A life where she has to schedule time to go "home." Where is home to her?
"Did you come here just to see your dad?" said the caucasian man.
The girl nodded her head slowly and then whispered to the woman. At first I thought maybe the woman was her mother and the man was the mother's new boy friend. The little girl was frightened of the new man coming into her life and the mom was forcing her to confront that fear; telling her to talk to the man. That girl was afraid, and she just wanted life to be the way it "used" to be for her. Maybe her mother and father were fighting a lot, but that didn't matter, they were together. And that hispanic girl can't just randomly start to trust another "father-figure."
So as I sat and listened to this "family" (a hispanic child, and two caucasian adults) talk, I wondered how hard a life that young girl must have been through, and I realized life for me could always be worse.