Excuse Me To Busy Writing Your Tragedies

People have recently told me I am ruining their lives. I personally can not ruin someones life they can only ruin it themselves. When people tell you that you are ruining someone else's life they must be lying because you can not "write their tragedies." People make problems for themselves, you can't make problems for them.
Full story:
So..... I supposedly called my friend a bitch or something when I never did and now she hates me and won't talk to me or read any messages I send her. I don't like people calling her a bitch so why would I call her a bitch unless I was joking, and when I am joking she knows that. Funny thing is she calls me a bitch all the time so I don't get it. Anyways.......... now she has her boyfriend against me and its a huge mess. I don't hate her even though a lot of people think I should. I just want her to realize she is being a bit over dramatic about the whole situation. I apologized more than once and she didn't even reply so I don't know what's gonna happen.

"I told you so!" (picture is of me and my ex)

Is there really anything worse than being told... "I told you so," when you are down in the dumps?

That is what has been my life this entire week. Through tons of people saying "good" "you're so stupid" "I told you to think about it," I had to sit or stand and smile my fake smile.

But every time I come down stairs with my stuff animal bunny and my ex's hoodie my parents figure out i am in a sad sad mood. It is really hard when my parents didn't like my ex in the first place (my ex is the guy i mentioned in the last entry). I like him a lot and when my mom says "good," after my not so friendly acquaintance tells her that me and my ex broke up, it really hurts. It is hard to pull through it each day but sometimes you just have to cross over bridges that you must work hard to build. You get headaches and end up crying cause you are tired of having to keep trying to build that bridge but once you finish you can tell the world you made it over.

I should really take my own advice...

We're all depressed....So why are you laughing

Everyone thinks their lives are the worst... and when you get to talking about it you realize it really could be worse. I know my life isn't half bad compared to my friend's alcoholic father, my other friend's sister have to see her cheating fiance, and so much more. You hear these stories and you don't think maybe that could be me sometime, living through a scary situation that completely haunts you for the rest of your life.
Its not something to laugh about. You wouldn't laugh if you had to go through one of those situations so why would you laugh at your friends. I know this girl who laughs at the most inappropriate times. She heard that her ex was cutting himself and she laughed...her dad yelled at her she laughed...and worst off while all of her friends are moping around this morning....she goes and laughs with her boyfriend all over her.
Boyfriends don't come first and neither should girl friends. Both her and her boyfriend have lost the majority of their friends because they won't get off of eachother. And people wonder why I don't like her anymore. Its because for two seconds she can't even hug her friends anymore, for two seconds she can't take a simple second to get up and not talk about her boyfriend.
So yeah life could always be worse but it can also always be better.

Lemonade

When life gives you lemons you spray that sour attitude in peoples faces. Why? Because people deserve it. There are always things that you don't want to live with in life and you still must go through with them. For me that time is going home... to my place of torture.
Why should I go home to a place where I am not loved, trusted, even looked at? Why should I waste my time on people who don't care a thing about me?
I sit in agony wishing that it was over sometimes... and then I think... how would those people who I have spent my whole life loving... how would they feel if I just didn't show up at school one day...and that small knife falls to the floor with tears. If I ever left those few people who I do love, and who love me back... wouldn't it just be ruining their life... more than it destroys yours.

Home Time

So I was out to dinner with my family today..."zoning out." Well I was actually listening to this little almost 5 year-old hispanic girl sitting with two caucasion adults.
"Can I have home time on Monday?" said the hispanic girl.
"No honey. You only have two home days this week." said the caucasian woman.
"No I have three." said the girl.
"No. Just Saturday and Sunday."
"No. Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday." said the girl
It makes you wonder how confusing that girl's life must be. A life where she has to schedule time to go "home." Where is home to her?
"Did you come here just to see your dad?" said the caucasian man.
The girl nodded her head slowly and then whispered to the woman. At first I thought maybe the woman was her mother and the man was the mother's new boy friend. The little girl was frightened of the new man coming into her life and the mom was forcing her to confront that fear; telling her to talk to the man. That girl was afraid, and she just wanted life to be the way it "used" to be for her. Maybe her mother and father were fighting a lot, but that didn't matter, they were together. And that hispanic girl can't just randomly start to trust another "father-figure."
So as I sat and listened to this "family" (a hispanic child, and two caucasian adults) talk, I wondered how hard a life that young girl must have been through, and I realized life for me could always be worse.

If I Die Tell Them I Love Them

So my friend stated that if she should die I needed to tell everyone she loved them. She is going through a BRUTLE relationship right now in her family and thankfully she will tell me about it. She is to move to California if she disobeys orders again. She wants to stay here with her friends because they are very supportive....we really truely respect any decision she wants to make.
Also today... my parents said a petition would allow full access to my phone again... YAYZ. I missed my contact device.
Tomorrow I am going to self defense in which I must beat the crap out of a male teacher in a red puffy suit. Oh fun...I love attacking older men. -.-
Have practice in an hour which should be fun....except the occasional screaming 11 and 12 year old. UGH