"I told you so!" (picture is of me and my ex)

Is there really anything worse than being told... "I told you so," when you are down in the dumps?

That is what has been my life this entire week. Through tons of people saying "good" "you're so stupid" "I told you to think about it," I had to sit or stand and smile my fake smile.

But every time I come down stairs with my stuff animal bunny and my ex's hoodie my parents figure out i am in a sad sad mood. It is really hard when my parents didn't like my ex in the first place (my ex is the guy i mentioned in the last entry). I like him a lot and when my mom says "good," after my not so friendly acquaintance tells her that me and my ex broke up, it really hurts. It is hard to pull through it each day but sometimes you just have to cross over bridges that you must work hard to build. You get headaches and end up crying cause you are tired of having to keep trying to build that bridge but once you finish you can tell the world you made it over.

I should really take my own advice...

And You Want Me Back?

Last night I happened to get a text saying....
"I don't know why I am doing this but...What up?"
The number was not one in my phone so of course I asked who it was the reply was...
"Wolfie."
That was the name I had called my ex when I was dating him. I didn't know exactly how to reply because after crying for a month I didn't really know what to say to him. What can you say to someone who had called you many mean names that aren't appropriate for the interweb. So we ended up talking for a bit and I kept agreeing to his claims of him saying a jerk.
"I'm such a jerk."
"I know you are."
And all this other nonsence and finally since I'm nice and like giving people second chances I let him back into my life as my boy friend again.
Now we are scheduled to have a date, that my mom won't let me have unless other people are going, on friday. Since my mom hates my boyfriend she won't even let me go to his place ever again, but I guess thats fine... Maybe when I'm older.

What to Say to Someone Who Blocked Your Number

When your number gets blocked because supposedly you were in the wrong and he was perfect. What can you say to someone who does that.
When every moment and every song reminds you of him. You don't want to beg for him back because you hate him for tearing your heart out of your chest and throwing it in a blender. But you would kill for him back. You want to make him jealous but the only one who could make him jealous is himself.
When its over you realize how many people have the same name as him and it makes you want to cry and never wake up because the only time you will see him is in your dreams. He WILL move on faster than you and every time you see that girl you want to yell and say "He is mine!"
But what can you say to a man who blocked your number. What can you say to someone who tells you he hates you anytime you say a single word to him. What can you say to get him to hear you out?
You want to tell him that every song screams his name. Every I love you is him saying it. Every heart and photograph has to be scribbled out and thrown away because it was for/of him.
And every tear you cry is because you are going to miss any day you aren't in his arms.
But "everything will be ok," Well I don't believe that for an instant. That guy will be on your mind until you start lossing your memory... because that guy was Mr.Perfect then.

We're all depressed....So why are you laughing

Everyone thinks their lives are the worst... and when you get to talking about it you realize it really could be worse. I know my life isn't half bad compared to my friend's alcoholic father, my other friend's sister have to see her cheating fiance, and so much more. You hear these stories and you don't think maybe that could be me sometime, living through a scary situation that completely haunts you for the rest of your life.
Its not something to laugh about. You wouldn't laugh if you had to go through one of those situations so why would you laugh at your friends. I know this girl who laughs at the most inappropriate times. She heard that her ex was cutting himself and she laughed...her dad yelled at her she laughed...and worst off while all of her friends are moping around this morning....she goes and laughs with her boyfriend all over her.
Boyfriends don't come first and neither should girl friends. Both her and her boyfriend have lost the majority of their friends because they won't get off of eachother. And people wonder why I don't like her anymore. Its because for two seconds she can't even hug her friends anymore, for two seconds she can't take a simple second to get up and not talk about her boyfriend.
So yeah life could always be worse but it can also always be better.

Lemonade

When life gives you lemons you spray that sour attitude in peoples faces. Why? Because people deserve it. There are always things that you don't want to live with in life and you still must go through with them. For me that time is going home... to my place of torture.
Why should I go home to a place where I am not loved, trusted, even looked at? Why should I waste my time on people who don't care a thing about me?
I sit in agony wishing that it was over sometimes... and then I think... how would those people who I have spent my whole life loving... how would they feel if I just didn't show up at school one day...and that small knife falls to the floor with tears. If I ever left those few people who I do love, and who love me back... wouldn't it just be ruining their life... more than it destroys yours.

Home Time

So I was out to dinner with my family today..."zoning out." Well I was actually listening to this little almost 5 year-old hispanic girl sitting with two caucasion adults.
"Can I have home time on Monday?" said the hispanic girl.
"No honey. You only have two home days this week." said the caucasian woman.
"No I have three." said the girl.
"No. Just Saturday and Sunday."
"No. Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday." said the girl
It makes you wonder how confusing that girl's life must be. A life where she has to schedule time to go "home." Where is home to her?
"Did you come here just to see your dad?" said the caucasian man.
The girl nodded her head slowly and then whispered to the woman. At first I thought maybe the woman was her mother and the man was the mother's new boy friend. The little girl was frightened of the new man coming into her life and the mom was forcing her to confront that fear; telling her to talk to the man. That girl was afraid, and she just wanted life to be the way it "used" to be for her. Maybe her mother and father were fighting a lot, but that didn't matter, they were together. And that hispanic girl can't just randomly start to trust another "father-figure."
So as I sat and listened to this "family" (a hispanic child, and two caucasian adults) talk, I wondered how hard a life that young girl must have been through, and I realized life for me could always be worse.