"I told you so!" (picture is of me and my ex)

Is there really anything worse than being told... "I told you so," when you are down in the dumps?

That is what has been my life this entire week. Through tons of people saying "good" "you're so stupid" "I told you to think about it," I had to sit or stand and smile my fake smile.

But every time I come down stairs with my stuff animal bunny and my ex's hoodie my parents figure out i am in a sad sad mood. It is really hard when my parents didn't like my ex in the first place (my ex is the guy i mentioned in the last entry). I like him a lot and when my mom says "good," after my not so friendly acquaintance tells her that me and my ex broke up, it really hurts. It is hard to pull through it each day but sometimes you just have to cross over bridges that you must work hard to build. You get headaches and end up crying cause you are tired of having to keep trying to build that bridge but once you finish you can tell the world you made it over.

I should really take my own advice...

I Shall Still Try

If I could live anywhere: idc as long as im with Melanie

Went online and look what I see
A line with my name oh lucky me
I read it once then read it again
Is this real or is this pretend
My ex's name above the page
Still afriad its just a phase
Though I think its a mistake
And my heart did already break
But he's the one who left me stranded
Now I'm sitting empty handed
Through all this mess I still shall rhyme
Cause though I'm sad I still shall try

What to Say to Someone Who Blocked Your Number

When your number gets blocked because supposedly you were in the wrong and he was perfect. What can you say to someone who does that.
When every moment and every song reminds you of him. You don't want to beg for him back because you hate him for tearing your heart out of your chest and throwing it in a blender. But you would kill for him back. You want to make him jealous but the only one who could make him jealous is himself.
When its over you realize how many people have the same name as him and it makes you want to cry and never wake up because the only time you will see him is in your dreams. He WILL move on faster than you and every time you see that girl you want to yell and say "He is mine!"
But what can you say to a man who blocked your number. What can you say to someone who tells you he hates you anytime you say a single word to him. What can you say to get him to hear you out?
You want to tell him that every song screams his name. Every I love you is him saying it. Every heart and photograph has to be scribbled out and thrown away because it was for/of him.
And every tear you cry is because you are going to miss any day you aren't in his arms.
But "everything will be ok," Well I don't believe that for an instant. That guy will be on your mind until you start lossing your memory... because that guy was Mr.Perfect then.

YAY.... For Crying To Sleep

Tears are something we all have to go through. People and things dying and losing the ones we love, its really hard to get over. When you think about those things you've lost and maybe a sad song comes on or just any song, you may just start crying. Its hard to stop crying sometimes and well thats how life works.
Gears just turn and turn and when some stop working and just turn off it makes life difficult to handle. Not all of us can be mechanics and engineers of our own lives but some times we are forced to be.
Tears are the only thing we have, sometimes, that tells us we are actually alive and this isn't a dream. Cause if it was just a dream... life would really be as enjoyable as it can be sometimes.
So let the tears fall cause it proves you actually exist.

Lemonade

When life gives you lemons you spray that sour attitude in peoples faces. Why? Because people deserve it. There are always things that you don't want to live with in life and you still must go through with them. For me that time is going home... to my place of torture.
Why should I go home to a place where I am not loved, trusted, even looked at? Why should I waste my time on people who don't care a thing about me?
I sit in agony wishing that it was over sometimes... and then I think... how would those people who I have spent my whole life loving... how would they feel if I just didn't show up at school one day...and that small knife falls to the floor with tears. If I ever left those few people who I do love, and who love me back... wouldn't it just be ruining their life... more than it destroys yours.

Not Quite Over You

Ever since November of 2009 it is hard to look at my ex the same way. Its almost as if everytime I see his face I want to cry or punch a wall. My best friend is his sister so it is hard to even go over to her house without trying to impress him at the same time. I don't even want him back...I just want to show him what he is missing, what he could have had.
You know when you go through a break up and the other person says you "can still be friends." It never ends up that way. You and that other person will stop talking for a year or longer which is what happened with my ex. Then they just don't want to be your friend ever again.
I wonder why that always happens. Sometimes you see people begging to be taken back while others quickly move on (cough cough my ex). Its hard to watch the other person move on sometimes but you just have to go through with it. Thats how relationships work out sometimes.